Breaking News!

Stephen Colbert is in Charleston. On a carriage. Dressed as Uncle Sam. Give me one hour and I will track him down and force him into a skirt.


We are on to you, Stephen Colbert. See you around lunchtime, say, Market Street?

Heartbreaking guest post from Sticky Fingers!

Chad Walldorf of Sticky Fingers wrote in today with this heartbreaking news:

I feel terrible for not letting you know before the fact but thought it better to hear from us....our shared idol stopped by to Sticky Fingers on Saturday night to pay homage to his portrait(s) and do some politicking....I've attached some photos. He worked the room - even kissed a baby - gave a funny stump speech extolling the virtues of South Carolina's barbecue, shrimp, and peaches, did a short interview with me and then sat down to have dinner with his extended family (in-laws and siblings included).

The coolest thing was that the table next to him was a table of guys from the Air Force who were visting a buddy stationed in Charleston - he brought them in to see the portrait cause they were huge fans of the show and they obviously got way more than they bargained for. I told Colbert so he bought them a round of drinks and then took pictures with them so they were completely stoked. The only thing missing were the Feminists for Colbert and I apologize for not having thought to let you know he was coming. I'm hopeful that they will be back and if so we will try and let you know in advance of the visit.

Chad

Okay, Chad, because you wrote so nicely to tell us this news yourself, we'll forgive you on one condition: ribs, Chad, we need RIBS! You know there's nothing feminists like more than delicious barbecued ribs! Well, equality between the sexes--but second to that, it's ribs.

And just wait 'til we get our sticky fingers all over that unfaithful Stephen Colbert, who came to Charleston and didn't even seek us out.

My Heart is Broken!

Everyone here at Feminists for Colbert was REALLY REALLY excited about this coming Saturday as Stephen Colbert was going to be at the College of Charleston for Rock the Vote, but today he canceled! How could you do this to us Stephen!? We were making a banner for you, hoping for a hug, waiting for you to sign our copies of I am America (and So Can You), and Margaret was going to force you to wear a skirt in Skirt! (see post from 10/23/07).

The only thing that can stop our flood of tears and collective sighs is for Stephen to wear that skirt in Skirt!

It's Official:

to get on our ballot, you need to get in our skirt:
(or our skirts...)

do it Stephen, do it!

Would all FFC fans please post this wherever they can - on their own blogs, lesser Colbert fansites, college bulletin boards - we need to show some skirt+Stephen luuuuurvve.

Colbie on Meet the Press

Why Colbert is (sort of) running for president

This makes me feel a little awkward. But still hot for Colbert.

Calling Colbert:

We have another (better) dare for the Colbert:

If you are so insistent on running in South Carolina, you must prove your political and fashion prowess. If Hillary is wearing the pants, shouldn't you wear the skirt? Wear a skirt in skirt! and reach every American, near and far. Because everyone reads skirt!, and everyone wants to see you in (a) skirt!.

You won't be the only one, but you could be the best one (unless Superman came along...).

Come live out your mantasy and get into a skirt, we'll even provide the bongos.

Colbert for President? Yes, please!

Last night, Stephen announced his intention to run for President in South Carolina. We here at FFC are thrilled! We hope this "favorite son" pays us a visit when he comes to Charleston in January. Perhaps our efforts could be rewarded with tickets to the show?

Now, back to making campaign banners...

A Mock Columnist, Amok... ?

Our dear, sweet, sexy, titillating, and seductive deity has written a column (via Maureen Dowd) for the NY Times. Maureen says she "called Colbert with a dare: if he thought it was so easy to be a Times Op-Ed pundit, he should try it. He came right over.”

I will post it here for your viewing pleasure:

I Am an Op-Ed Columnist (And So Can You!)

By STEPHEN COLBERT

Surprised to see my byline here, aren’t you? I would be too, if I read The New York Times. But I don’t. So I’ll just have to take your word that this was published. Frankly, I prefer emoticons to the written word, and if you disagree :(

I’d like to thank Maureen Dowd for permitting/begging me to write her column today. As I type this, she’s watching from an overstuffed divan, petting her prize Abyssinian and sipping a Dirty Cosmotinijito. Which reminds me: Before I get started, I have to take care of one other bit of business:

Bad things are happening in countries you shouldn’t have to think about. It’s all George Bush’s fault, the vice president is Satan, and God is gay.

There. Now I’ve written Frank Rich’s column too.

So why I am writing Miss Dowd’s column today? Simple. Because I believe the 2008 election, unlike all previous elections, is important. And a lot of Americans feel confused about the current crop of presidential candidates.

For instance, Hillary Clinton. I can’t remember if I’m supposed to be scared of her so Democrats will think they should nominate her when she’s actually easy to beat, or if I’m supposed to be scared of her because she’s legitimately scary.

Or Rudy Giuliani. I can’t remember if I’m supposed to support him because he’s the one who can beat Hillary if she gets nominated, or if I’m supposed to support him because he’s legitimately scary.

And Fred Thompson. In my opinion “Law & Order” never sufficiently explained why the Manhattan D.A. had an accent like an Appalachian catfish wrestler.

Well, suddenly an option is looming on the horizon. And I don’t mean Al Gore (though he’s a world-class loomer). First of all, I don’t think Nobel Prizes should go to people I was seated next to at the Emmys. Second, winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don’t need to care about science, literature or peace.

While my hat is not presently in the ring, I should also point out that it is not on my head. So where’s that hat? (Hint: John McCain was seen passing one at a gas station to fuel up the Straight Talk Express.)

Others point to my new bestseller, “I Am America (And So Can You!)” noting that many candidates test the waters with a book first. Just look at Barack Obama, John Edwards or O. J. Simpson.

Look at the moral guidance I offer. On faith: “After Jesus was born, the Old Testament basically became a way for Bible publishers to keep their word count up.” On gender: “The sooner we accept the basic differences between men and women, the sooner we can stop arguing about it and start having sex.” On race: “While skin and race are often synonymous, skin cleansing is good, race cleansing is bad.” On the elderly: “They look like lizards.”

Our nation is at a Fork in the Road. Some say we should go Left; some say go Right. I say, “Doesn’t this thing have a reverse gear?” Let’s back this country up to a time before there were forks in the road — or even roads. Or forks, for that matter. I want to return to a simpler America where we ate our meat off the end of a sharpened stick.

Let me regurgitate: I know why you want me to run, and I hear your clamor. I share Americans’ nostalgia for an era when you not only could tell a man by the cut of his jib, but the jib industry hadn’t yet fled to Guangdong. And I don’t intend to tease you for weeks the way Newt Gingrich did, saying that if his supporters raised $30 million, he would run for president. I would run for 15 million. Cash.

Nevertheless, I am not ready to announce yet — even though it’s clear that the voters are desperate for a white, male, middle-aged, Jesus-trumpeting alternative.

What do I offer? Hope for the common man. Because I am not the Anointed or the Inevitable. I am just an Average Joe like you — if you have a TV show.

And now we at FFC have a dare: Colbert, we would permit/beg you to write a blog entry for us as well. I'm sure you could whip up some self-love for us. Because you are our favorite Average Joe (who, yes, happens to have a TV show).

xoxo FFC

Coming soon: Feminists Crush on Colbert

We at FFC wanted to give you the heads-up that soon we will be featuring a series of guest bloggers, starting with Conseula from Afrogeek Mom and Dad. Perhaps she'll blog about how ungodly hot Colbert is in that photo. I may be a tiny bit obsessed.

Update: Additional crushing coming soon--Margie P, of Under My Skirt and In My Head, will also be a guest blogger...stay tuned.